 | Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. |
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| One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. |
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| Atheism is a non-prophet organization. |
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| If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? |
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| The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. |
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| I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it
would defeat the purpose. |
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| Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses? |
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| If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? |
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| If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him...is he still
wrong? |
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| If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? |
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| Is there another word for synonym? |
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| Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?" |
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| Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?" |
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| What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant? |
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| If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? |
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| Would a fly without wings be called a walk? |
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| Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? |
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| If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? |
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| Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? |
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| Can vegetarians eat animal crackers? |
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| If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? |
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| Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines? |
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| How do blind people know when they are done wiping? |
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| How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign? |
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| Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny? |
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| What was the best thing before sliced bread? |
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| One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people. |
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| Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra? |
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| Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? |
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| How is it possible to have a civil war? |
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| If God dropped acid, would he see people? |
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| If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too? |
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| If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry? |
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| If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? |
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| Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it? |
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| Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of
"asteroids"? |
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| Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them? |
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| Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? |
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| Where are we going? And what's with this hand basket? |
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| If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole damn airplane
made out of that stuff? |
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| Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? |
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