When you are sad... I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the scum-sucking bastard who made you sad.

When you are scared... I will laugh at you and ping you about it every chance I get, then I will make sure you know you're never alone.

When you are worried... I will tell you how much worse it could be and to quit complaining, then I will hug you, and tell you it'll be ok.

When you are confused... I will use little words to explain it to your dumb ass. LOL

And when you are lost... I will answer my cell phone and give you directions.

When you are sick... I will hold your hair while you pay homage to the stainless steel god.

When you fall... I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass, then I will hold out my hand and help you up.