I've been aboard this submarine for nigh on to a week,

Sitting here with both legs crossed, unable to take a leak.

I'm afraid to ask instructions too ashamed to face the crew,

If I don't figure something out I don't know what I'll do.

Push this lever, turn that valve, which one do I use first,

If I don't find the answer soon, my bladder's gonna burst.

I sure don't want to flood the boat; I cannot take a chance,

But If I don't do something, I'm gonna wet my pants.

I fell asleep in sub school, when they gave the demonstration,

I'm sitting now in misery from lack of urination.

I've held it in for over a week, that's as long as I can go,

Won't someone show me how it works; my kidney's about to blow.

There's no one I can turn to, the situations mighty bleak,

I'd give my reenlistment bonus, for a chance to take a leak.

The pain is quite unbearable, I'm about to throw a fit,

Unable to pee was bad enough but now I have to ____!

Provided by Tim Spoon USS Triante